


The Secret I Keep

by taylorann_1426



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 21:47:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12662058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylorann_1426/pseuds/taylorann_1426
Summary: Ash Tyler had a troubled past. When he realized he was trans (FTM), it made his life more complicated than it already was. This is the story of Tyler telling Burnham about it. Mostly canon compliant except that Tyler has a brother.





	The Secret I Keep

**Author's Note:**

> So I was just scrolling through the Star Trek Discovery tag on Tumblr and I ended up coming across a post that had “Headcanon: (Ash) Tyler is a trans man” by tumblr user jonpertwee and my mind was racing to write a fanfic for it so here it is. Hope you like it! Any advice is really appreciated and a kudos would be great too. Also comment if I should make a part two of this! And thank you so much to tumblr user empiricallly for beta reading this fic!

Ash Tyler sat in his room looking at old photos of his brother and himself. They were happy, once. The photos back then showed his brother with a little girl, both around 7 years old, mirroring the optimism of that age. The two were smiling and clinging onto one another like they were monkeys in a zoo. A photo taken before his mother had died after the accident with the rogue comet. Before she had beaten him within an inch of his life after finding out that he had cut his hair short to look like his brother. He’d cried himself to sleep that night as his brother soothed him and tried to shield him from their mother. His father had never been in the picture and he was glad he wasn’t. Because if he had been, it probably would have been even worse for his brother and him. Ash Tyler’s past was ridden with pain, but when he’d joined Starfleet Academy, his life changed for the better. People respected him and supported him and his one roommate even helped him pick his new name, “Ash.”

Tyler had been fretting over a name for a long time, not exactly knowing what his name should be. He knew he hated his birth name, Ashley. He had always loved playing the old Pokémon games as a kid and always thought Ash was the coolest character ever. Yet, he wasn’t sure if he could pull it off as his new name. His roommate gave him the courage to try it out though and the name stuck once he tried it out.

Soon after, he picked Ash as his new name, he changed all his documents and then sought out getting testosterone. He didn’t care what obstacles he would have to overcome, he would do whatever it took to see the person he really wanted to be in the mirror every day. By the time he graduated he had a full beard and a deep voice that sounded husky and of a warm crackling fire on a cold day. On occasion thought it would still crack and his roommate who’d been with him since the beginning would laugh and tease him about it.

~/~

He got assigned to USS Yeager after his graduation. He served under Captain Steve Maranville. The captain was like a father to him. He respected Tyler and made sure to call him “son” at any opportunity he could to make the boy feel validated and at home. When he got captured by the Klingons for seven months, however, and his captain had been killed in front of him, that was truly hell. But he knew he could survive because he had survived the torture of living under his mother for all those years after she found out he was trans. Then, this Captain Lorca had come out of nowhere and helped him escape from the Klingons. But that wasn’t just all, while in the camp. Tyler had opened up about his past to the man. Something he’d normally kept close to his heart, in fear of being shamed or beaten again because of it.

“Son. You’re a good kid. I’m sorry you had to go through that. You’re a fighter though, and I’ll keep you safe on my ship. I can promise you that.” Captain Lorca told Tyler the last day that they were held as prisoners.

“Thank you sir. Really.” Tyler replied shaking the man’s hand.

~/~

The door to Tyler’s room dinged.

“Uh...come in!” He said, emerging from the memories entrapping him while he looked at the photo. Tyler ducks to put the photo away back under his bed, but by the time its safely tucked away, the one and only Michael Burnham is already in front of him, her face as intractable and calm as ever.

“Burnham. How can I help you?” He asked confused as to why she was here.

“I did not see you in the dinning hall and Tilly said I should come make sure you are alright. Now that I see you are okay I will leave you be.“ She started to walk off.

“Wait—I was just caught up in looking through some old photos that were sent to me by my brother. Do you want to join me for dinner maybe, or did you already finish eating?” He asked getting up.

She blinked once. Then twice. “Sure. But the captain wants me to work with Lieutenant Stamets in Engineering afterwards on something.”

“I thought you were posted to Science Specialist now?” He frowned.

“Yes. It’s a collaboration. Something Lieutenant Stamets and I have been coming up with.”

“Oh. Cool. Let me just change real quick.” He said and went off to get into uniform.

~/~

“So what was that photo that you had when you walked in? I didn’t know you had a brother.” Burnham asked.

They were now in the dinning hall eating their dinner. Tilly had left to go back to her room before Burnham and Tyler had gotten there.

“He’s a year older than me. We still stay in touch but with the war, it’s hard. He’s an ambassador for Starfleet so he’s been busy helping out and I was....well locked up for seven months so we couldn’t really talk then either. He’s a good brother though.” Tyler explained to Burnham.

“So the picture....?” She implied.

“Oh. Yeah that was my brother and I when we were younger...” He sighed and put a hand on his neck, rubbing it. He looked down at his food.

“But from what I could see it look like your brother and girl. Did you have a sister?” She asked confused.

“No. That was me. Listen. I don’t really tell many people this. I....I trust you though. The truth is...I’m transgender.” He said looking her right in the eyes as he said it.

His heart was racing and yet he wasn’t sure why since being around her made him feel calm. Even grounded at times.

“I. Don’t understand. But please. Help to understand it.” She said whole heartedly.

In that moment Tyler believed she was sincere, so he told her about his mom, and his about his brother protecting him. He told her about transitioning and how hard it was to trust those around him again.

“I’m. Sorry.”

“You don’t have to be. It’s my past, but it still is close to me. Thank you.” He said smiling and touching her hand.

~/~

That night, when he was back in his quarters alone. He stood in front of the mirror and smiled. He had on boxers and no shirt, while he got ready for bed. He’d gotten top surgery a few years ago. He was happy. He was in a place he’d never expected to be. He loved a girl who he hoped loved him back and that girl knew who he was and still didn’t care. Ash Tyler was where he wanted to be in life and he didn’t want to be anywhere else.


End file.
